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The tortured poet’s lament

 Grief and loss are unavoidable but God hears the groan of our hearts (2 Samuel 1:1,17-27; Mark 5.21-43).

Context

• This weekend music artists and fans will gather at Glastonbury for this year’s festival. Many others will be following the tv and radio coverage from home.
• One artist who probably won’t be there is Taylor Swift, given her gig commitments in Dublin. Swift’s Eras tour has filled stadiums across the UK this past month, and her album The Tortured Poets Department has spent 9 weeks in the UK top 10 album chart, 7 of them at number one. The video for her latest top ten single, Fortnight, featuring Post Malone, over-romanticises the expression of loss to the point of self-parody, as she types out her sad lyrics on a vintage typewriter, all styled up in Victorian mourning dress. But this is a wittily painted brave face over the kind of pain many of us have known. No, it’s not war, or death, but heartbreak is still a loss and can be all consuming in the moment. The lyrical conceit of life becoming an “endless February” of Monday mornings perfectly captures that stuck feeling of being unable to move on.
• Just as losing a relationship brings grief, so can losing a job or other role. As the UK elections approach, many former MPs may find themselves losing their seats and looking for a new path in life. In the wider community, the current UK redundancy rate is about 3.4 people per 1,000 employees (February to April). This Friday I join them, after a restructure following on from the sale of the business that employed me. After 9 years, even when the business decision is fairly handled and makes sense, there is much to grieve far beyond the loss of income: from the companionship of colleagues, to the stability of routine, the pleasure of putting your skills and experience to daily use, and how what you ‘do’ contributes to your sense of self.
• And, of course, death, the ultimate loss, is always with us. From wars and famine in Gaza, Ukraine, and elsewhere; to the deaths of public or industry figures like Michael Mosley, Premier Christian Media’s Peter Kerridge, or Common Worship designer Derek Birdsall; to all those known to us in our communities and our own hearts.

Ideas for sermons or interactive talks

• I wonder if Taylor Swift’s Tortured Poets Department has room for another member? David, were he still alive, would surely be on her collaboration hotlist. He’s the original country boy that hit the big time, from shepherd to king. Put a lyre in his hand and he can strum up a tune to soothe a tortured soul (1 Samuel 16.23). And he’s a wordsmith too – the premier psalmist, capturing his life’s experiences so well that the personal becomes almost universal. He’d thrill the crowds at Glastonbury’s Pyramid Stage.
• David may not quite have Swift’s touch of humour but he makes up for it with sincerity, as achingly demonstrated in his lamentation for Saul and Jonathan. There can be “no dew or rain… nor bounteous fields” in the wake of this great loss, only barren drought (2 Samuel 1.21) and the weeping of the women (v.24). And then, at the climax of the formal lament, the sudden, stark first-person expression of a vividly personal grief: “I am distressed for you, my brother Jonathan; greatly beloved were you to me”. (2 Samuel 1.26) David does not shy away from sharing how he feels and who he is. Are we ready to be as honest and open in our own journeys with God?
• Auden’s stopped clocks (see Sermon ideas). David’s dried-up field. Taylor Swift’s endless February of Monday mornings. What images come to your mind when you think of the pain of loss? A record player bumping round soundlessly once the song has played out? An empty chair? We cannot go through life without feeling grief and experiencing loss. Finding ways to express our feelings, to others and to God, can be a helpful part of the grieving process, eventually freeing us to move forwards in hope.
• And when we really can’t find the words, God will hear the call of our hearts. The “Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words” (Romans 8.26). The woman who reached out in silent faith to touch Jesus’ robe was healed just as surely as Jairus’ daughter, who was loudly mourned (Mark 5.21-43). In the Gospel we see glimpses of how, in God, there is hope of a life beyond death.

Questions for discussion

• In the Disney Pixar film Elemental, the water family play a “Crying Game” where they tell stories or describe sad scenes until they provoke their fellow participant to tears. (It’s meant to be charming, rather than cruel!) What songs, books, films or stories put you in touch with feelings of loss, grief or sadness? (Two recommendations from me would be the picture books Michael Rosen’s Sad Book and Oliver Jeffers’ The Heart and the Bottle. You may need to have a box of tissues to hand!)
• Do you, or someone you know, need help with grief? Some churches run The Bereavement Journey, something one of my family members has found helpful. Bereavement support may also be available in your area through the (secular) national Cruse Bereavement Support.
• Does your church run The Bereavement Journey or offer other bereavement support, or support for other losses such as family breakdown or redundancy? If so, is there anything that the groups need or that you could do to help? Or, if there’s nothing at your church, could you start something up, perhaps with other local churches? Even a tiny, regular prayer group might be exactly what someone needs to know God’s love in their suffering.

Rebecca Froley was the launch editor for the Roots website and has been working in online business publishing product management for around 15 years. She worships and helps with the young people and the mission group at a local Baptist church within the London Borough of Sutton.

Check-in

Connecting faith with everyday, real-life issues for young people

Grief and Loss

It can be painful to talk about death. However it happens, whether expected or out of the blue, it is always something of a shock.

As I write these words, people in Kenya are protesting against the government – the protests have become violent and so the authorities in return are using violence. Between the violence, Catholic bishops in the country are urging both police and protestors to swap violence for peace, because people are dying.

Death, these deaths, will be a fleeting headline on the news – by next week, a new story will probably be the big focus. But these deaths, any deaths, are not fleeting – they are so much more. For many people, the family and friends of those killed – these deaths are the beginning of a life of lamenting.

How do we respond to death? How do we deal with such a life-altering event?

Lamentation is the theme of this week’s bible passage – a word basically meaning expressing grief and sorrow. David laments the deaths of Saul and his son Jonathan – they die of their injuries in battle – and so David is sad at this, worried that the enemy will learn they have died and celebrate, grieving that strong and mighty men who gave much to their people have died. It is a deeply personal and raw outpouring of emotion from David. We see just how much these deaths have affected him.

But though this lamentation is deeply personal, it teaches us about how to face death too. David is not afraid to talk about how he feels in the face of death. He is open and honest with himself and to the rest of the people of Israel. Not only this, but these words are sacred scripture and so inspired by, and equally offered up to God.

David experiences death in people he knows. He is open, he is honest, and he offers his feelings up to God. Like the people of Kenya at this present time, death is all around us. When the sadness of death comes into our lives, let us not be afraid to lament – because expressing emotion is good for our health and wellbeing, and a good thing to voice in our relationship with God, whose mercy and love is boundless and whose protection and fatherly care is with us all the days of our life.

Joe Allen is a Theology postgraduate and works as a Pastoral Assistant in the Anglican Diocese of Southwark.

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